


Sweet 18th

by thewispsoftime



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: BillDip, I am now part of the trash, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:52:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6038788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewispsoftime/pseuds/thewispsoftime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper returns to Gravity Falls on his 18th birthday, but has some thoughts he needs to mull over.<br/>Intended to be placed several years after Weirdmaggedon Part 3<br/>(If you wanna chat with me, my tumblr is thewispsoftime.tumblr.com)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [EDIT 3/29/16] I just went through and rewrote a few parts to make it stronger in general.

It had been a while since Dipper had seen the peculiar sights of Gravity Falls, and he didn’t know quite how to feel as he rode the bus back into this little town. After his initial adventures were over, he had visited for a couple of summers, but as his life got busier, his summer vacations started to take less of a priority. Summer jobs, higher education, and whatever social life he had left all kept him from returning to the sleepy hamlet he once called home.

One thing was certain, returning here without Mabel draped a depressed mood over everything. With all her college classes, and not to mention her Rainbows waiting for new videos practically every day, it was understandable that she couldn’t take some time off. She did try desperately to join him, of course, but Dipper wouldn’t let her give up the things that were important to her. After all, it was just a silly birthday. They hardly even celebrated it anymore.

This would be the first birthday where Dipper would be alone. As he stepped off the bus, he wrestled with that fact. Sure, he had plenty of friends in Gravity Falls, and there was always his Grunkles, but no one really put magic into the world quite like Mabel. That intense craziness that brightened up a room.

Well, that’s not entirely true. There was one other person. However, the risk that came with Him was enormous. He tended to make things… too crazy. Besides, he’d been gone for years. There’s no way that he could be here now. Dipper shook those thoughts out of his head. It wasn’t worth going over again.

He found the path over to the Mystery Shack. Even after all of these years, it was as run-down as ever. Dipper chuckled to himself, not even remotely surprised. It seemed that nothing could keep the Mystery Shack looking spick and span for long. As he walked up to the entrance, he found that a note had been placed on the door.

“Dear Dipper. I know you said you were coming over for a week during your birthday, but Stan and I found Weirdness Signals that couldn’t be ignored. In order to make it up to you, we left your presents in the Shack, as well as some supplies for a party. We are both very sorry we cannot be there for your 18th, but we’ll be back as soon as we can. Love, your Grunkles.”

Underneath the main letter was a completely different type of handwriting, no doubt by Stan.

“P.S. We hid the presents, so don’t you dare open them until you are 18. We’ll know. See Ya in a week, Kid.”

Dipper reached into his pocket and felt the letter Mabel had given him as well. He had already read it over and over on the way there, but after reading the Grunkle’s letter, it felt like the words were made of ash. Letters only showed how far they were. Quickly wiping the tears out of his eyes, Dipper lifted up a rock nearby and got the key for the Shack. Tossing his bag to the side, Dipper plopped into Stan’s old chair, turning on the television.

“Of course there’s nothing on…” Dipper muttered to himself, flipping through the channels. All he could find was the news, or what could be called news out here, and reruns of game shows, all of which he’d already seen. Dejected, Dipper got up and started to wander out into the forest.

Before he realized it, Dipper was over Bill’s tombstone. A petrified version of his physical form. Dipper visited it at least once every time he was in Gravity Falls. He told himself it was a reminder of how bad things can get, but also a sign of how strong he could be. If he could take down a demon like Bill, he could do practically anything.

“...but I didn’t do it, did I? It was all Ford and Stan. All I did was run, trying to put the pieces together. That’s all I ever did here.” Dipper sat down, staring into Bill’s eye. “Did I ever really do anything important on my own?”

He didn’t have an answer to that. His mind started to make its own answers, but he couldn’t settle on any of them. Rubbing his temples, he stood up. He didn’t want to keep staring at that corpse. He was convinced it was subtly messing with the minds of anything around it, to any end it could accomplish. Either way, he had to do something with his day, and that wasn’t gonna happen staying around there.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dipper pounded on the walls, tears violently streaming down his face. He couldn’t save them, he couldn’t save any of them. Soos, Wendy, Pacifica, Mabel, Ford, and even Stan. All of them, gone. Lost. Lost because of his mistakes. He could hear them, crying out in pain. Dipper shook the rusted metal bars of his prison, screaming out for anyone to hear.

“Don’t! Please don’t! Don’t hurt them! Hurt me instead, please! I’m the one you need to punish, not them!” Dipper sobbed as he slowly fell onto the floor. The screams wouldn’t stop, the pain wouldn’t stop. There was nothing left he could do.

Suddenly, he felt a warm touch on his back. Like a rabid wolf, Dipper scurried away from it, crawling as fast as he could to the opposite side of the cell. He stared at the being for what seemed like ages before a word slipped out.

“Bill…?”

The Dream Demon was there, in his cell, looking over him. Fear ran through him. Bill was dead. He had been killed years ago, there was no possible way-

“Dipper… I’m sorry.”

Bill’s voice stopped Dipper’s mind dead in it’s tracks. It wasn’t filled with anger or insanity. It was genuinely filled with sorrow. Bill’s eye drooped as he avoided eye contact. He didn’t bother approaching Dipper, so he just stood there, solemnly.

“I’m sorry… for everything.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dipper awoke with a panic, grabbing anything he could around him. With some deep breaths, his vision turned clear. No Bill, no prison. Just the Mystery Shack. With a deep sigh, Dipper fell back onto his bed. He was used to the setting, it was a dream he’d been having almost every day since his 13th birthday.

Bill was new, though. He had never shown up directly like that. Every so often he’d hear his voice, but it was already something that he had heard during Weirdmaggedon. This was definitely off-script. However, there was something so peaceful about Bill’s presence. During that moment, the usual cutting depression melted away.

Dipper couldn’t worry about that, though. Maybe it was just his head trying to make himself less miserable.

“As if that were possible.” Dipper chuckled, getting up and starting his day. As he went about his routine, however, he couldn’t get the image of Bill out of his head. Bill was dead, surely, but this seemed so different and genuine, it just stuck. It didn’t matter now. The dream had passed, and Dipper would just have to keep moving forward.

When Dipper finally left the shack, it was already sneaking into the early afternoon. The sun was past the middle of the sky, and Dipper didn’t quite know what to do. He could visit Soos in the New Mystery Mansion. When more and more customers flocked to the city after Weirdmaggedon, Soos was able to get enough money to get his own building and sell back the Mystery Shack to Stan and Ford.(At an inflated price, of course. He had learned quite a bit from Stan.) It was always a treat to see what new crazy things Soos had come up with over the years.

It seemed fun, but Dipper wasn’t in the mood to see yet another one of his friends going on with their life. It was just too depressing. Instead, he found himself right back in front of Bill’s Headpiece. Instead of just staring, contemplating his life, Dipper took a deep breath, and said,

“I’ve always wanted to just say, ‘it’s all your fault’, ya know? That it’s your fault that I’m so messed up. You certainly had a hand in it. Everyone’s doing so well and gaining new prospects. I’m just stuck here, talking to a ghost. What the hell happened to me back then? Stan was okay, Ford was okay, Mabel was cheery as ever, and everyone else got out with barely any injuries. What messed me up so damn much?”

Dipper hunched over, rapidly running his hands through his hair. Unable to hold it back, Dipper let his lungs scream as loud as they could, the sound reverberating throughout the forest. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and his body was shaking through pure emotion. In that moment of vulnerability, it hit him.

“It… It was you. But not in the way I thought. You… You caused all this weirdness, this adventure, the highest part of my life… You gave me something to life for, even if it was just beating you… and now you’re gone, and I don’t know what to do... I don’t know what I can do… All I know what to do is to study weird. Now I don’t even have that anymore.”

Dipper let his head fall into his hands, sobbing softly into his fingers.

“Why did you have to go… Why couldn’t have we just been on the same side? A life of adventure, a life of weird, a life filled with fun and excitement… I would have loved that! But no, you had to go and make them kill you! I didn’t want you to die! I just… I just wanted you to…”

Dipper sighed and let himself fall backwards onto the mossy forest floor.  
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I wanted. I don’t know what I could have had. Whatever… It’s too late now…”

Dipper let his eyes close, tears slowly peaking out with every second.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dipper pounded on the walls, tears violently streaming down his face. He couldn’t save them, he couldn’t save any of them. He was powerless, as he always was. He would have to simply lay down and accept the fate of himself and his friends.

And there it was again, the warm touch. Dipper looked at it’s source, but did not pull away. Sadness pooled in Dipper’s face as he looked upon the mystical sight of Bill. After a few short seconds, Dipper curled up and started sobbing against his knees.

“Why… why did you have to hurt people?” Dipper muttered in between sobs.

Bill let out a defeated sigh, gripping Dipper’s shoulder harder. “It’s hard to describe, but...” He looked around before finding a good analogy. “Imagine if you were in this prison for thousands of years, going through this every day? After a while, you feel like the only way out is to… hurt. To fight and kill and do whatever you have to do, as long as you get away. But… that’s wrong. I was wrong…”

“B-b-but why?! Why couldn’t h-have you just… let us… be happy with you? I wanted… I wanted adventure, I wanted to see the weirdness of the world… why couldn’t have you given me that?!” Dipper let his emotion fly free, pushing everything he had towards Bill.

“I wanted to, you know. I wanted to have fun and just experience all the craziness this universe had to offer. But I got scared… I got scared that people would lock me up again, and I… I thought I couldn’t let that happen. I would strike first so I could always have the ability to do what I wished. If I could just… go back… All I know is that I would certainly never hurt you. Not like this.”

“H-huh?” Dipper looked up, surprise breaking through the tears. “W-why me specifically?”

Bill smiled, his body glowing even brighter than normal. “Have you seen yourself, Pine Tree? You’re so much more interesting than all the other boring humans out there. You don’t just do whatever the world tells you to do, you want to explore, you wanna do the crazy stuff! You’d be surprised just how unique that makes you, Dipping Sauce.”

“I’m… unique…” Hearing that filled Dipper with warm core of happiness. A small, but firm smile placed itself on Dipper’s face.

“You certainly are, Dipper. Look, I know this may not make up for everything, but I’m hoping this will start that path.” Bill closed his eye for a second and snapped his finger. Suddenly, the prison disappeared, fading away into a white void.

Dipper was shocked. Suddenly, it hit him. Bill wasn’t truly dead. There’s no way that Bill could control his dreams otherwise.

“How…?” Dipper started before Bill placed a finger over his lips.

“I’ll explain later, Pine Tree. First, just relax for a sec.” Suddenly the room was filled with the sight of a warm fireplace, two mugs of hot chocolate, and lazy movies on a nice television. Bill smiled at Dipper, anticipating his reaction.

Dipper smiled back, tears finally slowing down and fading from his face. “Thank you, Bill. I… don’t know if I could handle that… place one more night.”

Bill wrapped his arms around Dipper once again. “Don’t worry. You won’t ever see that awful prison again. I’ll make sure of that.”

With a wave of gratitude and happiness, Bill slowly faded away. After a few seconds, Dipper woke up as well with a smile on his face.

He hadn’t woken up like that in years.


	2. Someone to Lean On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper rushes to inform others about Bill's Resurrection, but they keep seeming to close him out.
> 
> (Yeah so I finally figured out how to do this as chapters lol. I'll keep the other one up but I'll start doing this instead.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [EDIT 3/29/16] Went through and fixed some details and bits of writing.

“Listen, Dipper, I know it’s hard to let go of what happened, but Bill is dead! We all made sure of that.” Soos gently gripped Dipper’s shoulder, making sure that Dipper paid attention.

“Why can’t you believe me? Weirder things have happened!” Dipper shrugged off Soos’s hand, his fists tightening in frustration. It was just like when he was younger. No one believed him, no one wanted to think he was right. He was older, he should at least command some respect.

“Dude, I know you lost a lot when the weirdness went away from Gravity Falls, but you just gotta find something else to put your energy into. There’s nothing left for you to worry about here, I promise.” Soos retracted his hand, letting a soft sigh escape his lips. Soos dragged his palm across his face, regaining his composure. “Look, I gotta get back to the crowd. It’s a big day for the Mystery Mansion and I gotta make sure those folks are entertained. I’ll swing by the Shack as soon as I’m free, I promise.”

Dipper didn’t respond, even avoiding Soos’s gaze, but it was clear how Dipper felt. Before Soos could say anything more, Dipper turned and started to walk to the back exit. As the door closed behind him, Dipper heard something almost out of reach.

“Happy Birthday, Dude.”

Dipper sneered and started walking faster away from the Mansion. Of course no one wanted to believe him. Everyone was just content with forgetting what happened, as if it was just a dream. Why couldn’t they see the importance of Bill being alive? Everything in Gravity Falls could depend on it!

Though, while Dipper went to everyone he knew to share the news of Bill being alive, he found that he could never admit that Bill wanted to repent. Dipper refused to mention it, skipping over that part of the stories every time he told them. Dipper told himself that it would shoot down the credibility, that there wasn’t even a chance people would listen if he said that.

Was that true? After all, everyone was ignoring him anyways, there was no point in holding anything back. Why was he being so adamant about this point? As Dipper wandered back towards the Shack, his mind ran through his memories, trying to find an answer. Suddenly, it started bouncing through memories of Bill during his dream.

“I hurt people that didn’t deserve it. I hurt you.”

“If I could do it over again, I certainly wouldn’t hurt you.”

“You’re so much more interesting than all the other boring humans out there.”

Dipper wasn’t surprised. He usually wasn’t when it came to inner revelations. He just felt frustration at not understanding sooner. It was so damn obvious, but it was understandable that he would reject the idea at first. By all rights he shouldn’t feel this way, but there was no point in avoiding it now.

Dipper cared about Bill. He actually cared about his safety, his privacy, his happiness, and his hope of redemption. He didn’t want to betray that by telling others about his change of heart. He knew that the others, if they did believe him, would only try to hurt Bill again.

“I guess that’s why my stories were so vague…” Dipper muttered to himself as he passed Bill’s headstone once more. He sighed and turned to look into Bill’s eye. “Maybe, deep down, I didn’t want them to believe me. Not this time.”

Dipper sat down in front of Bill, reading through the thoughts coursing through his own mind. Anxieties and fears, palpable disgust and self hate, streams of frustration and anger coursing through his veins, and all of it weighing down on his very soul. Dipper was at a loss.

When he was twelve, moments of helplessness were few and far between. He always had a plan, always had a way out of bad situations. He was always able to save the day, or at least hold out until someone else could. As he grew up, however, these moments happened again and again. Sometimes he would just sit alone, taking a break from his life. Other times, he would break down, crying endless amounts of tears into whatever was nearby, as long as it wasn’t a person.

Dipper didn’t want to do either of those things. Today Dipper felt something much darker and much harder to push away bearing down on his mind. It wasn’t unknown to him, as suicide was a contemplation Dipper had locked away in the back of his head ever since Weirdmaggedon. Usually it was the idea of Mabel that kept him here. He couldn’t bear to think of her face as she looked over his tombstone. Today, even that much wasn’t enough.

“Mabel doesn’t care. Stan and Ford don’t care. Soos doesn’t care. They don’t care about what this town did to me, about what it took from me.” Dipper ran his fingers through his hair, stopping to tug so hard that it felt like he would tear all the hair from his skull. With a short gasp, Dipper stopped, staring down at his hands.

“...Tomorrow. Sleep on it. No sense rushing an idea like this.” Dipper quickly muttered to himself, wiping starting traces of tears from his eyes. As he slowly walked back to the Shack, Dipper chuckled lightly through his sadness and shook his head.

No sense at all.

As Dipper drifted off to a deep sleep, A voice was heard from towards the Shack.

“Yo, Dipper! Where are you! It’s dangerous to be out in the woods all day, dude!” Soos walked into the clearing, seeing Dipper sleeping like a rock. Soos glared at Bill’s tombstone, reaching down to pick Dipper up.

“You better not mess with Dipper, dude… I’ll make sure you pay if you do…”

With Dipper cradled in his arms, Soos treked back to the welcoming warmth of the Shack.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The soft crackle of the fireplace was the first thing that got his attention. Logs burning slowly and serenely in the dining room. It wasn’t a fancy room, to be sure, but it had just the right peaceful touches. It reminded Dipper of a Hunter’s log cabin, which made Dipper start to question who exactly made this room. Was it himself, or was Bill really back?

As if to answer his question, a nearby door opened, and Bill stepped in. He was holding two perfectly warm cups of hot chocolate with just the right amount of marshmallows. Bill saw Dipper and floated over, holding out a cup.

“Oh, hey Pine Tree! Been wondering when you’d come back. I made ya a little something. I figured the usual place was too macabre for a young soul like you, so I spruced it up! Do you like it?”

Dipper looked around, a smile drifting across his face. More than anything, Dipper was in shock. He had grown so used to his nightmares, it was almost life-changing when he thought over the realization that he might not have to worry about them anymore.

“But… Why?” Dipper looked to Bill, his emotions starting to compound together.

“Didn’t I just answer that? The place was so drab! Keep up, Dippin’ Dots! Now, THIS place,” Bill gestured around with an overture of flair. “is so much better! A nice place for you to relax and forget about your worries with some nice chocolate. Now come on and take your cup already.”

Dipper reached out and grabbed his hot chocolate, but didn’t start drinking yet. “No… Why all of this for me? Why even bother?”

“Eh, I figured I should be fair. I did also make a room for myself, after all.”  
This would have caused a spit-take if Dipper had started drinking. “Wait, a room? You’re staying in my head?!”

“No, no, no, Diparoo! That would be against the rules!” Bill rolled his eye, taking a sip of the hot chocolate, but instead it just runs off of his body. “Besides, I’m not nearly powerful enough to be in anyone’s mind yet. I’m just staying in your dreams, and communicating to you through those.”

Dipper set down his chocolate and tried to think through what was going on. “How can you even do this now? I mean, you didn’t die, sure, but if you could always do this, why didn’t you do this immediately afterwards?”

“What makes you think I could always do this? Stan put me in pretty bad shape after that thing with the memory gun. It took me a long time before I even realized I was still an entity. It was like having amnesia, except you don’t even realize you have amnesia. Definitely a trippy experience. When I finally did regain my consciousness, I was in the Void.”

“The Void? Seriously?”

“What? You got a better name for the crushing black nothingness that nothing inhabits?”

Dipper shrugged, taking a sip of his chocolate. “I don’t know, it just sounds overused, is all. What even is it, exactly?”

Bill leaned back into the couch. “It’s the space between minds. There’s a lot of minds altogether in the mindscape, but it's like a galaxy. There’s a lot of empty room between each star, or mind. Thankfully, a mind drifted close enough by that I was able to get a foothold, probably because of consistent physical proximity.” Bill winked at Dipper.

Dipper cursed at himself. He’ll have to watch where he sleeps from now on.

Bill let out a surprising sigh, catching Dipper off-guard. “I don’t think I’ll ever get back to what I was before. Right now I’m no better than a figment of your imagination, and even being with you hasn’t helped me at all. I guess I’m just stuck to being a dream.”

Dipper chuckled, his voice dripping with emotion. “I wish I could be in your position. At least in here I can feel peaceful. Out there, with my friends, everything just feels awful.”

Bill didn’t respond, but instead simply looked over Dipper with an honest empathy.

Dipper’s voice grew more emotional and violent. “They all think I’m awful, that I’m worthless, that I’ll amount to nothing. They all turned their back on me, when I needed them most. Sure, they had futures, but I couldn’t keep up! I got stuck behind and not a single one turned and tried to help me!” Dipper started pounding his fists on the floor, shaking the entire room.

“I’m a dead weight that no one wants to deal with. I couldn’t get over what happened so everyone just stopped caring about me. I’m nothing to them! I’ll always be nothing! I should just jump off of the bridge and let the world deal with me instead!” Tears were pouring down like waterfalls, with emotions like ships falling off the edge. Nothing was enough, nothing could stop the pain, the sadness, the helplessness Dipper felt. Nothing at-

It stopped. In an instant. The emotions, the tears, even Dipper himself. He slowly turned, seeing Bill there, holding desperately onto him. Bill looked up at him with a determination that Dipper had never seen before.

“Don’t. You. Ever. Kill yourself.” Bill’s voice wasn’t scary or manipulating. It wasn’t horrible or nightmare-inducing. It was stern, yet compassionate. It seemed like Bill himself was inches away from breaking down just like Dipper had, holding together with scraps just to make sure that Dipper could too.

“You’re so damn important, Dipper Pines. Anyone who does not agree cannot see the necessity of your being. You bring the strange, the crazy, the weird, and the interesting into everyone’s lives. This world needs you, and it needs you alive, to make sure it can stay just as weird as it should be. So don’t you dare die. Stay alive for the world, for the weird, for your family, and…”

Bill paused, looking away. For the first time in his life, Dipper heard Bill’s voice shake.

“Stay alive for me, Dipper. I don’t know what I would do without you. I don’t know what I could do. So, please, just stay alive.”

Dipper let himself lean on Bill, feeling his warm radiance. It was peaceful, one of the truly peaceful things in his life right now.

“...Okay. I’ll do it. If only for you.”

Dipper smiled and wiped away his tears. “Hey, guess what?”

Bill looked up at him, with a curious smile to his gaze. “What is it, Pine Tree?”

“It’s my birthday. My sweet 18. And I’m spending it with you. Who woulda thought, huh?”

They both chuckled together, refusing to let go of each other.

“Well I’m glad you could spend it with someone. Happy Birthday, Pine Tree.”

With a truly happy smile, Dipper closed his eyes and let the idea of this moment wash over him. Right now, Dipper didn’t care if Bill only needed him for his dreams. Dipper didn’t even care if Bill was only being compassionate to help himself. Right now, Dipper needed someone to care about him. If this was how he was going to get it, then he would work out the rest later. No sense in rushing this, after all.

No sense at all...


	3. A Day of Reprieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper recalls some bad memories, and Soos and Bill try to cheer him up in their own unique ways.
> 
> ((Shorter one, I know, but you get a second chapter as well that's a lot longer!))

Dipper woke up with a surprisingly good mood. The events of yesterday were chilling to think about, but all that was on Dipper’s mind was Bill. Of everyone around, it was Bill that had even tried to emotionally support Dipper, and that thought was almost unsettling. Bill had always seemed to have taken an interest in Dipper, but it always seemed a sort of demented respect. This was deeper, something more emotional.

Dipper sat up, rubbing his eyes roughly. There was no way Bill was actually interested in him. Bill only ever saw tools, things of use. He couldn’t even fully comprehend the fact that Dipper was a person with wants and emotions. It seemed that way, at least, until last night. Now Bill seemed unknowable, everything about him somewhere in the realm of both truth and falsehoods.

Dipper stretched, yawning as he walked down into the kitchen. To his surprise, Soos was already there, drinking a warm cup of coffee. Soos turns around with his goofy grin and hands a cup to Dipper.

“Hey, dude. You feeling any better?”

Dipper took the coffee and chugged the entire cup, letting the heat pour down his throat. He nods slowly, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Hey, Soos, I wanna apologize for how I was last night.” Dipper sighed softly, unable to look Soos in the eyes. “I had misinterpreted stuff and I got a bit upset. I’m much better now.”

Soos patted Dipper shoulder, nodding empathetically. “Well, it’s alright to be upset. If you want someone to chat with, you can always ask me.”

Dipper looked up, a genuine smile sticking to his face. “That means a lot, dude. Lately it feels like everyone’s just turning their back on me. It’s nice to know that at least you’re here.”

Soos opened his mouth, but realized that switching topics was probably smarter. “Hey, dude, I was thinking.” He placed his mug of coffee down and started to gesture excitedly. “I know you’re already 18, but we haven’t had a party for you in ages. We  
still got the Shack free for a few days, why don’t we throw a party for your birthday like we used to?”

Dipper sighed, looking down into the floorboards. “Soos, you know why I don’t like parties anymore…” Dipper’s shoulders clenched up in memory of that day. As he clenched his fist, Dipper started to notice his hands shaking, his voice starting to tremble, and the waves of emotion were close to crashing into him like train cars.

Soos nodded, rubbing Dipper’s back softly. He could feel Dipper practicing the breathing techniques that his therapist taught him. “It’s okay, dude. We don’t have to have a huge party. How about just you and me, down at the arcade, all the tokens you want. My birthday gift to you, dude.” Soos let out his goofy grin again, hoping to pull Dipper out of his recollection.

Dipper let his body relax as he looked back up at Soos. “Sure, dude. It’ll be nice to get my mind off of this stuff, anyways. It’s been awhile since I’ve been down to the arcade. Maybe this time you’ll actually beat me at Fight Fighters.”

Dipper finally smiled as laughter from them both echoed through the Shack. It was a pleasant sound to hear again. For once in what seemed like an eternity, the Shack felt like a home again to Dipper. It felt nice to enjoy himself again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dipper came into his dream with a smile on his face. It was such a shock to Bill that it literally took him aback, having him fall off of the couch he was sitting atop of.

“Woah! Pine Tree, you had a good day? What’s the occasion?” There was his usual snark, but also an equal layer of relief in Bill’s voice. He floated back onto the couch, patting the seat for Dipper to sit down.

“Soos took me out for a day in the arcade. Said it was his birthday gift to me. I totally whooped him in Fight Fighters, but he got a couple of wins in that racing game.” Dipper gushed about his day, a grin lighting up his face as he sat down close to Bill.  
Not only was Dipper truly happy throughout the events of the day, but he was able to share it with not just one, but two people who cared.

Bill laughed. “Well, I guess we all lose some. I think I remember that game. Doesn’t the seat move as you turn?” Bill knew perfectly what game it was, as he spent an annoyingly high amount of time trying to work the game properly when he had a physical form.

“Yeah, and it always messes me up. I was never good at driving games anyways. I always mess up the turns.” Dipper rolled his eyes, scoffing at the idiocy. “It was nice though, to have some sort of celebration.”

Bill pulsed with confusion. “You don’t have a celebration for your birthday? I thought that was a thing you humans do.”

Dipper sighed, his smile fading. “Well, I used to. It actually used to be a huge occasion for me and Mabel. We’d dress up and hold a giant celebration. It was super exciting every year.”

“But you don’t anymore? What changed?”

Dipper opened his mouth, but his words started to catch in his mouth. “I… It… Look, I… I don’t particularly wanna talk about it.” Dipper looked away, starting to physically curl up on the couch.

Bill looked to Dipper with worry in his eye. “Look, kid, no one knows the mind better than me. If something’s bothering you, it’s better to talk about it. Holding it back just makes things hurt more later.”

Dipper slowly nods, starting to look back to Bill. It was always surprising just how much care Dipper could see in Bill’s eye.

“This is your head, so it’s a safe space. Whatever happened to you, I’m not gonna make you feel bad about it. It’s hurting you, so it’s important. I’d like to know the important things about you.” Bill’s voice was soothing, and helped calm Dipper’s worries.

“Okay. I’ll tell you. It’s honestly not that big of a deal, anyways.”

As Dipper started to tell his story, Bill softly grabbed his hand and held it tightly, making sure that he was strong enough to get through it all.

“So, it was my 15th birthday…”


	4. The Memory that Won't Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of Dipper's 15 Birthday, and the pain that came along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Direct Descriptions of Violence and Physical Abuse, be careful!
> 
> I felt like this deserved to be its own chapter, especially with how long it is.

It was Dipper and Mabel’s 15th birthday. The mood was exciting, as it always was with Mabel and party planning. All of their friends were going to attend, just like usual. Stan and Ford were out when the twins first arrived, chasing down some unknowable evil somewhere around the world. They had promised to be back by the time of the party, but as the day crept closer and closer, that likelihood was almost completely fading from Dipper’s mind.

Dipper didn’t have a good pre-birthday week. His parents wouldn’t let them stay for the entire summer anymore, after getting a call about Dipper’s unfortunate encounter with a wild fox last year. No more trying to feed wild animals.

Without being able to stay the whole summer, Dipper barely saw any of his friends, only being able to hang out with Wendy and Soos for a day or two before they had to go back to work. What really bummed Dipper out, however, was the fact that he didn’t see Stan and Ford at all. He was really hoping to hear more about their adventures, but they hadn’t even been writing back lately.

Dipper groaned into his pillow, not wanting to wake up yet. Mabel had other plans.

“Dipper! Come on, get up!” Mabel called out from the kitchen, her voice resonating through the entire shack. Dipper groaned back as loud as he could, refusing to even fully open his eyes.

“Come on, Dipper! The party’s going to start soon! We gotta get ready!” Dipper could hear her running around, moving snacks and tying balloons. Dipper sighed and groaned again, knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore with all the noise Mabel was making.

“Fine, I’ll be right there.” Dipper got up and slumped over to the bathroom to start his morning routine. When he finally got downstairs, he saw Mabel in one of her adorable hand made sweaters and couldn’t help but smile.

Mabel smiled back, her grin brighter than the morning sun. “Good morning, birthday boy! So, I messed with the layout a bit.” Mabel took Dipper by the wrist and pointed him at each of the changes. “We’ll have a snack bar in the kitchen, some gaming systems set up by the TV, and upstairs will be board games!”

Dipper looked at everything with an inquisitive brow. “Hm… But what about bringing food out to people, like I suggested? And didn’t you want upstairs to be all makeup and boy talk for your friends?”

Mabel shrugged wistfully. “Turns out Candy and Grenda love to play some board games, too. Don’t worry, there’ll be plenty of makeup and boy talk. And yes, I still have the sign. I’ll put it up when we get set up.”

Dipper chuckled, a large grin on his face. “You know, if I can stand the boy talk, I’ll probably join you guys. Sounds like a fun time. Alright, this all looks good. How long until the guests get here?”

As if on cue, the front door slammed open to show Wendy and her always impressive kicking boots. She hadn’t changed much since Dipper last saw her, though it seemed that her complexion had brightened up a bit. Last year she went through a horrible gout of pimples right on the twins’ birthday. Dipper had a laugh, but Wendy was mortified.

Following Wendy were the rest of the guests. Candy and Grenda, with Marius in tow, as well as Soos and Pacifica. She and Mabel were getting along a lot more lately, and Dipper would constantly hear them talking on the phone. It was a nice change from their first encounter.

Dipper and Mabel greeted all the guests as they came in. The house was practically full when everyone arrived, but when no one else was in the driveway, an important realization occurred to Dipper.

“Hey, where’s Grunkle Stan and Ford?” Dipper quietly asked Mabel. He had hoped that Mabel had caught them joining the party.

“I was just about to ask you that. I didn’t see them come in. Maybe we missed them?” Mabel replied, her brow furrowing as she scanned through the crowd.

“Maybe. Let’s go greet the guests and see if we can find them.” Dipper moved out into the crowd, bracing for the inevitable flood of Happy Birthday’s and awkward handshakes. He weaved over to the main room, helping set up the gaming consoles for Wendy’s crew. Afterwards he checked on the bathroom, only to find that Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland were already making out in it.

“Yeesh…” Dipper quickly closed the door and chuckled to himself. “At least they got a room.” He then checked out in the driveway, walking around the house again and again just to make sure he didn’t miss anything. Finally, he slumped onto the steps and just stared out into the road.

“There you are, Dipper!” Mabel sat down next to Dipper and lightly punched his arm. “Didya find the Grunkles?”

“They aren’t here.” Dipper was dejected. Of all of the days they could be gone, this had to be the absolute worst one. “I was hoping they’d at least show up for a bit, wish us happy birthday and stuff. I guess we don’t even get that.”

“Hey, it’s alright. We still got a good party. They’ll be here eventually, they’re probably just stuck in traffic or something.” Mabel grinned as wide as she could, wrapping her arm playfully around him.

Dipper nodded without responding. He didn’t want to just sit out here feeling sorry for himself, but the idea of having to host a party was excruciatingly difficult to deal with.

Mabel rubs his back softly, reading his mind the way only a twin can. “Hey, let’s just go enjoy the party. Play some board games. I promise I’ll make sure that Candy and Grenda keep the boy talk at a minimum.”

Dipper slowly nods. “Yeah, alright. Don’t worry about the boy talk, I’m sure I’ll be alright.” Dipper looked towards his sister, showing a noticeable grin. With that, they decided to walk back inside. As they re-entered, Mabel gestured to Candy and Grenda to join them upstairs.

“You have fun here, sweetums, I gotta go join my girls!” Grenda grinned to Marius and walked upstairs with the rest of the group. As they settled in, and the infamous boy talk started to flow through the conversation, Dipper simply sat back and smiled. Maybe this could be salvaged after all.

Downstairs. there was a fairly loud cheer. It was strange, and the twins perked up immediately. However, with the noise dying out downstairs, they started to dismiss it as a crazy party stunt that went well. Mabel and Dipper looked at each other, wondering if it was worth it to go back downstairs. Before they could decide, a voice filled with fury cut through the shack.

“Alright, that’s it. Everyone out! This isn’t a place for you damn teenagers to host parties when we are gone! Get out!”

It was Ford, and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. A chill ran through everyone upstairs. The twins nodded at each other, both standing in unison.

“Hey, guys, we’re just gonna check on that, we’ll be back in just a sec.” Mabel left a cautious smile with this statement as they rushed out and down the stairs. A good number of guests were already leaving, with a clump situated at the door.

“Hey, guys, you don’t have to leave. It’s all cool.” Dipper barely kept his voice from shaking as he approached Ford. “Grunkle Ford, I’m glad to see you again, but why are you kicking out my birthday party guests?”

Ford froze for a second before turning around, showing the front of his jacket in tatters. “Hey, Dipper. I… forgot it was your birthday. Look, I can’t deal with a party right now, as you can probably see.”

Dipper’s eyebrows furrowed as a confused fury started to leak into his voice. “Ford, this is our birthday. We told you weeks in advance. You can’t just come in and scream at everyone to leave.”

Ford’s breathing became heavy, his hands slowly curling into fists. “Of course I can. This is my house, and I have the final say in what can and cannot happen here. Go have your party somewhere else, anywhere else, please!” He ended his sentences in forms of demands and not requests.

“But Ford, we’ve had our birthday party here every year since we first got here! It’s where we want the party! Can’t you just have fun with us?” Dipper’s voice was definitely starting to shake at this point, as the crowd was frozen by the door. It seemed like everyone else’s breaths were being collectively held.

“Fun?” Ford’s voice started to lose control and become more and more furious. “Fun?! I just chased down a damn Kraken for months, and we didn’t even kill it! I was barely able to tag it, and I have to find where it’s heading next. I don’t have time for fun! I don’t have time for your damn party, now get out of here!” His voice crescendoed into a scream as he loomed over Dipper.

Dipper was physically shaking as his entire being was yelling at him to run, but he couldn’t. Fear locked his feet in place and he couldn’t help but just stand there, stand there and watch as someone he loved was ready to hurt him.

Without a response, Ford turned and started to walk towards the basement. Each footstep felt like an earthquake, but it was at this moment that Dipper found his voice again.

“I can’t believe this… You’re so damn selfish… You pretend to care, but you can’t even see us as humans, just like you…”

Ford stopped, looking over his shoulder. Fury engulfed his eyes.

“You use us as tools to get what you want, and when we aren’t useful anymore, you just toss us away. I can’t believe it… You’re just like Bill.”

Suddenly, something clicked behind Ford’s eyes. Suddenly, the fury became something more. Suddenly, Ford was running towards Dipper and all Dipper could feel was Ford’s fist implanting itself onto his face.

The force threw Dipper back, slamming his body onto the floor. Pain and terror converged onto the impact point, sending waves and waves throughout his body. His mind wouldn’t believe it, it couldn’t believe it.

“Ford! What did you do!?” A voice broke through the crowd. It was Stan’s. Dipper closed his eyes, tears streaking out onto the floor. People were rushing around him, there were yells and screams but Dipper’s mind couldn’t connect any of it. All of it was focused on that one moment.

Mabel grabbed Dipper, pulling him up. “Come on, Dipper, we should leave.” Mabel slung his arm around her shoulder and Grenda helped do the same. As they pulled him out towards the town, Dipper’s mind started to connect back to reality. He started to walk on his own and look around at the forest around them. Nothing that his mind could do, however, would stop the flowing tears.

“Mabel… I can’t…” Dipper shrugged off their help as he slowly stumbled back from them. “I… I can’t be around people… I just need to be alone.” Without waiting for a response, Dipper ran off into the forest. Tears, pain, sadness, everything was just flowing and flowing, without having a chance to stop. Finally he stopped running, his lungs burning like a furnace. As he caught his breath, he sat down next to a log and screamed out in agony.

He fell silent and slumped down, finally able to see the statue in front of him. Dipper found himself in front of what was left of Bill. Anger welled up inside of him, ready to burst out at a moment’s notice. Even though he felt so much pain and frustration at Bill, at what he had one, at who he had hurt, Dipper simply couldn’t direct it towards Bill.

“I was wrong.” Dipper spat, his voice venomous with fury and spite. “Ford isn’t like you. He’s much worse than you ever were. You never made me feel anything like this. You were always straightforward, if horrible. You never made me hurt like this. I don’t know if you ever could, Ford’s just that good at it.”

His voice starting to tremble once more, Dipper curled into his legs and started to sob once more. It was all his body could do, so he did it in excess, until the night came down once more.


	5. Sharing Heart and Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftereffects of Dipper's story...

As Dipper finished his story, he quickly wiped away the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes. Throughout it all, Bill had been silent, contemplating the new information and giving Dipper the time he needed to finish. However, when the final moments were revealed, his grip of Dipper’s hand grew tighter, to the point where it almost hurt. Bill looked away in contemplation before suddenly rising out of the couch and moving in front of Dipper.

“So, Pine Tree. What tool do you think would work best with good ol’ Ford?” Bill was chipper, excited even. It was if he had been invited to play one of his favorite games.

“Huh? What are you… talking about?” Dipper looked up to Bill, but couldn’t keep his gaze up for long. How could Bill be so happy right now? Dipper showed his scars to Bill, and he was acting like it was a perfect day.

“Oh, for the payback of course.” Bill’s body flashed bright crimson, his voice belying the fury just below Bill’s surface. “There’s knives, burns, and waterboarding of course. Hell, we could go all the way to dismemberment and disembowelment! Sky’s the limit on revenge!”

Dipper stared at Bill, horror settling in his gut like sewer trash. He could barely speak, words fading as soon as they hit his mouth. In the end, the only thing that would be heard was, “...What?!”

Bill’s tone turned from a jovial happiness to a sullen and cold severity. “Dipper, you can’t even comprehend the damage that he did to you. I will not let such damage be taken without recourse. Ford needs to be punished, he needs to be hurt.”

Dipper found some of his composure, starting to speak up against Bill. “What? He didn’t… He didn’t hurt me like that. Sure, what he did wasn’t a good thing, but I had said…” Dipper paused, turning away from Bill. “I said… something hurtful. He reacted, and I got hit. I… I deserved it, anyways.”

“Deserved it? All you did was tell him that he was like me. That’s quite a big compliment, if I do say so myself.” Bill puffed his body out, filled with pride. “Not only that, but it’s true! We studied the cosmos together because of that ambition, that lust for knowledge!”

“But you were trying to invade the physical world!” Dipper’s voice grew increasingly frustrated, standing up to stare Bill down.

“Hey, I apologized, didn’t I? I messed up, I made some mistakes, people got hurt.” Bill crossed his arms and turned away. “I hate to dwell on the past…”

Neither of them knew what to say, both stuck in their own regrets. As the silence became deafening, it was Dipper who took the first step. “Hey… I know that our history is a bit… rough, but we’ll just do better this time around.” Dipper lifted his hand to physically comfort Bill, but paused as he realized that he didn’t quite know where he could even place it.

Bill didn’t turn, simply staring out into the Mindscape. After some more silence between them, Bill said, “...Why are you so determined to forgive me? I’ve done so much to hurt you. By all rights, I shouldn’t be forgiven, not for the rest of my life…”

It took Dipper some time to fully know his answer. It was a question that Dipper had been trying to answer on his own. After looking back at the past few years, his behavior started to make more sense, and it all came down to one moment.

“You… You pretty much saved my life.” As the words left Dipper’s mouth, more and more things started to click. “You were the only one that made sure that I was okay when I was so damn close to killing myself. You actually showed care and compassion for my life, so much more than what I’ve ever seen of you before. You were always cold, detached, but this was like it was your own life.”

Dipper chuckled, a soft grin poking out of the edge of his mouth. “Thinking about it now, I guess it was. Without me, you’d probably die again. Hell, all of what you’ve done for me lately could have been self-preservation. Right now, I honestly couldn’t care less if it was or not. You could have done so many other things. You could’ve reminded me of Mabel, or made me terrified to die.”

Dipper let out a soft, yet happy, sigh as he reached down and grabbed Bill’s hand. “You chose to remind me of my own worth. You kept me alive for myself, no one else. Not even yourself. I guess… I just figured that… There was something else in you. Some part of you that deserved to be forgiven, even if you didn’t believe that yourself.”

Dipper squeezed Bill’s hand, turning him so that he could see the grin that was plastered all over Dipper’s face. The sight shook a chuckle from Bill, who seemed almost overwhelmed by Dipper’s revelation.

There was one final silence. As Bill finally worked up the courage to give Dipper his own revelation, he looked up to see Dipper was gone.

As the dream started to fade, Bill looked down to his empty hands, and softly whispered,

“I can’t do it. I can’t kill him. I have to find another way.”

Then, all at once, the dream turned to black.


	6. A Meeting of the Minds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill seeks to solve a new problem with his plans, and does so in an unconventional way.

It was dark.

Darker than the blackest night, as if a well of ink had been spilled over the entire world. It seemed to reach out forever, until one image finally started to push through. A single, dim light shone at the center, barely enough to show any detail. The one thing that was revealed was the person creating the light.

It was Bill Cipher.

“Damnit… I hate it when plans nosedive halfway through…” Bill sneered into the void, rubbing his eye in thought. He would have liked to have been present in a more detailed environment, but he didn’t have enough power to populate this dream while Dipper was awake.

Bill paced around, going over scenario after scenario, trying to understand what he could do to get out of his current dismal fate. Unable to progress, Bill growled in supreme frustration. He needed someone to talk to, to get his ideas out of his head. If he just heard them back, maybe he could make some sense out of it all.

A thought clicked in Bill’s mind. “Maybe I’ll have enough power for this... Might as well try!” Bill closed his eye, focusing the small amount of power he had available. After a few seconds, Bill opened them again, only to see a reflection of himself floating right in front of him.

“Gah!” Bill stepped back and collected himself. “Not so close, buddy. You’re my talking board, not my lover.”

The reflection turned away and crossed its arms. “Hmph. If you dislike me that much, just get rid of me. No need to be such an ass about it.”

“Ha ha! Oh man, you must have gotten my sass!” Bill’s eye grinned. “Alright, clone! Time to go through ideas! How are we gonna get ourselves back to full strength?”

“I thought we had a plan already, or are you too much of a coward to go through with it?” The clone glared at Bill, clearly unimpressed by this change of heart.

“Hey, I’m just making sure we have a plan B. Devouring his soul might be a bit difficult, and I wanna make sure we have backups in case it doesn’t work.” Bill returned the glare with equal force.

“You know just as well as I do that killing him would work. You’re just scared about taking a life now, for some reason. I can’t believe you’ve gotten so weak.”

Bill sighed, closing his eye and returning back to his thoughts. “Clearly, this isn’t working. I need a second opinion.” After a moment of focusing, another clone appeared farther away. When Bill looked up and saw that the first clone was there, he groaned.

“Oh no… Looks like you aren’t gonna leave. Alright, I’m gonna name you Rude.” He pointed at the first clone.

“Hey! You can’t ju-”

Bill cut him off, immediately turning to the new clone. “So, what do you think we should do?”

It took a second for the second clone to respond, even for him to look up at Bill. After staring into Bill’s eye for a few seconds, he looked back down and shook his head.

“Oh now what’s that supposed to mean, Saddy?” Bill said, rolling his eye.

“That… We shouldn’t do anything… We don’t deserve to be where we were… We’ll just hurt others again…” Saddy’s voice drifted as it spoke, feeling like a weight on Bill’s back.

“Oh come on! We can’t do that either! What’s wrong with you guys? I just want some constructive dialogue here!” Bill yelled in frustration at the two clones he summoned.

“Then why’d you project us first? That’s your own fault, asshole.” Rude replied, filing his nails a few feet away.

Bill groaned again, a sound that was becoming more and more grating to his own ears. “Fine, I’ll get someone else. Just… shut up for a while, will ya?” As Rude grunted in response, Bill focused once more, this time on his creativity.

“Hellooooooo, my fellow aspects! What. Do. We. Have. Here. Today?! Some wonderful mental gymnastics!”

Bill immediately regretted his decision. As much as he liked the results his creativity gave him, working with it directly was taxing, to say the least. A very loud groan exploded out of Bill as he opened his eye and saw the neon pink clone of himself floating around all the other aspects.

“Look, Fruit Salad, just give me an idea about the problem at hand and we can all go home.” 

“Ugh. My name is Creativity! Not that you would care…” Creativity crossed his arms and gave Bill a smug glare, before clearing his throat and returning to a smile. “Anyways!  
Maybe we don’t have to be right back where we were, maybe we could do some small stuff and get better over time!”

“Hm… Interesting Idea, Daiquiri.” Bill scratched his eye in thought. “How long do you think that’d take, though? I’m jonesing for some of that Faerie moonshine.”

All of the aspects nodded in agreement at that remark.

Creativity thought, floating around them in circles. “Hm… If you take bits from Dipper, you’d probably have enough to go back into the mindscape in… a couple years? Something like that?”

Bill groaned out again, falling onto his back. “A couple of years? We’ve already waited years! I wanna get out now! Damnit, I can’t wait that long!” He closed his eye and sighed. “Maybe I should just do it… He’d sacrifice himself for me anyways. Better than him dying for no reason at all…”

“Do you really think you could do that, Bill?” This voice was new, one that Bill only barely recognized. Once his identity clicked in Bill’s mind, Bill’s eye flew wide up and he looked up to him.

“You…” Bill’s voice was filled with fury, all of his hatred bubbling up inside of him as he rose up to confront the blue triangle standing in front of him. “I thought I killed you off millennia ago…”

“Hey, Bill. Nice to see you again. It’s been a while, definitely, but it’s hard to get rid of your conscience.” Bill’s conscience stood there, perfectly calm and stable, his eye locked to Bill’s without a shred of emotion clouding his judgement.

At the conscience’s presence, all the other aspects fell silent and still. They stood in awe, looking at the tension stirring in the void. 

“Damnit, Will! What do I have to do to get rid of you!?” Bill unleashed his fury, screaming into Will’s face. “I’ll burn down galaxies, I’ll slaughter millions, just to get rid of your damn voice!”

“You never did get it, did you? Bill, I’m not here to torment you. Never have been. I’m just here to tell you a voice of reason. I’ve only ever been here because that is what you wanted. If you truly wanted rid of me, I would have gone a very long time ago. But I didn’t, because you know you need me around. To make sure you know the consequences of your actions.”

“I already knew it was going to kill them when I burned that dimension down! I offered them salvation, and they tried to pin me down with the rest of them. I wouldn’t let that happen, I couldn’t. So I broke free, and made sure they couldn’t do it again. You know I needed to just as much as I did!” Bill’s fury was unending, his voice sending the other aspects scattering. But not Will.

“I know. You needed to become free. You needed to grow stronger. You couldn’t let them hurt you anymore. But in those flames, I died. Your only brother died. Nothing can change that, and nothing should.”

Suddenly, Bill’s fury vanished. His anger, his creativity, his sadness, all vanished as the aspects around him disappeared. All Bill could do was look the corpse of his brother in the eye.

“Are you willing to do the same thing to the one other person in existence that cared about you as much as I did?”

Bill turned away at this point, gripping his fists tightly, his whole body shaking with pure emotion. “Honestly? I couldn’t care either way. My only purpose is a simple reminder. The choice will always, eventually, come down to you.”

Will reached out and placed his hand on Bill’s right side, his face solemn and stable. As Bill looked back into the eye of someone who truly cared about him, Will’s body lit up in flame and burnt away as quickly as he arrived.

And again, everything was dark.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun rose over Gravity Falls, the birds chirping and the gnomes yelling at them to shut up for once. While the denizens of the Shack slept, something new was approaching. Down into the driveway, a car neatly parked and the shack’s owners stepped out, stretching their limbs after the long car ride home.

One of them smelled the air, grinning as he looked at his brother. “I’ve always loved the smell of this part of town. You can hardly smell the gnomes and the manotaurs from out here.”

His brother chuckled, a pit starting to settle in the bottom of his stomach. He was finally home, but he knew that there would be one more thing that he would have to deal with. He had successfully avoided it for three years, but he figured that it was time to act like an adult and go into the problem head on.

Today, Ford was back in Gravity Falls.


	7. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan tries to patch up the wound between Ford and Dipper, and Bill reveals something important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for the delay! I hope you all enjoy!

Dipper woke up with a migraine. It had been a week since Ford and Stan returned, and ever since then Dipper’s stress levels were through the roof. He had purposefully avoiding long amounts of contact with the Grunkles, and they seemed to respect his privacy, but even simply being in the same house was becoming close to torture. Dipper had been ready to leave as soon as he saw their car in the driveway. It was due to Stan’s insistence that was even still at the shack, and Dipper knew it was so that he could try and repair Dipper and Ford’s relationship.

Dipper sat up with a sigh, reaching over to grab an advil that he set out the previous night. That would at least make it all manageable, but Dipper doubted the headache would go away. Noticing Dipper’s stress levels, Bill had been making sure that his dreams were as comforting as possible, even going so far as to sing a variety of songs, most of them smooth jazz. Dipper was surprised at how peaceful Bill’s voice was, and counted it as a blessing in this stressful time.

As the painkiller started to take its effect, Dipper stood up and got dressed. He remarked about how Bill had been changing lately. Sure, he had been trying to redeem himself for a while, but for the past week or so he had been doing much more than that. He had been selfless, even protective over Dipper, consoling him and weathering through all of his stress.

“Maybe it was because of that moment…” Dipper muttered to himself. They had, indeed, shared a pretty intimate moment together. Dipper didn’t mean for it to be something quite like that, it was just a way for him to show appreciation. After all, Dipper had been drowning in his sadness, and Bill seemed like the only person who even cared.

Dipper shook his head. “Nah, Soos did too.” But Bill cared first, Dipper thought to himself. Bill cared with all his energy. No other priorities, nothing more important.

“Gaaaaah, I can’t be thinking about this!” Dipper could hardly believe himself, it was like he had a crush on Bill! There was no way, it was just appreciation, that’s all. Bill had been doing better lately, but not that much better. With a sigh, Dipper walked down to the kitchen to grab his breakfast.

Without surprise, Stan was there waiting for him with a cup of coffee. The image of Stan was almost identical to when Dipper was a kid, the years seemingly doing nothing to the old man. This feeling was so nostalgic that Dipper couldn’t help but chuckle to himself.

“Eh? What’re you laughin’ about?” Stan looked up, his eyes still sunken while he was waiting for the caffeine to course through his system.

Dipper shook his head, “Oh, nothing. I just missed moments like these. Peaceful and all that.”

Stan looked away, slowly putting his coffee down. “Hey, look, Dipper… I think you should reach out to Ford.”

Dipper looked up, fury-laced confusion on his face.

Stan held his hands up, “Now, now, I’m not saying you gotta be nice to him, but you two have been fighting for years, and I feel like it’s best to at least try to reconnect.”

Dipper looked away, gritting his teeth. “You… want me to try patch things up? I didn’t even do anything wrong, it was all him. Why should I be the one who goes to him? Why doesn’t he just get some fucking courage and apologize?”

Stan’s face turned stern. “Dipper, I get it. Ford has issues, and I don’t want you to deal with that. I’m not saying this for his benefit, I’m trying to make sure that you can move on. I fought with him for years, and even the sound of his name made me furious. I can’t have you in the same situation.”

Dipper didn’t respond, refusing to look at Stan. He crossed his arms, his mind going over the possible scenarios that could arise. Everything in his being was telling him that it was a mistake, that nothing could fix it, but a tiny voice wanted him to try anyways. That’s the kind of person he is, isn’t he? He couldn’t let anger change that about him.

Stan sighed and put a hand on Dipper’s shoulder, drawing his attention. “Hey. Just try it for me. If it doesn’t work it, it doesn’t. I’ll still love you, even if you two won’t talk. I just ask that you try.”

After another moment of thought, Dipper finally replied. “Fine. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I gotta… figure out what I’m gonna say. Besides, if things go wrong, I wanna be as close to leaving as I can get.”

Satisfied, Stan claps him on his back. “Fair enough. Look, Ford’s gonna be in his lab today, why don’t we go out and have some fun around town while we have the day together?”

Dipper grows a small smirk. “Yeah, sure. Sounds fun enough. How about you choose? You haven’t been here in a while, after all.”

Stan laughs, nodding. “Sure, Dipper. I got some great spots in mind, not to mention seeing if Soos’s burned down the Mansion yet. I’ll go get dressed, and I’ll meet you outside.”

Dipper nodded back and slowly walked out to the front porch, sitting on the steps. He felt like he was a kid again, back when he first visited Gravity Falls. Maybe, just maybe, he could experience it again today.

Either way, he’d love to just have some fun while he was here.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dipper looked around his dream with a smile. It seemed liked this was the only place he could have any sort of relaxation, talking with Bill and just forgetting all the stress of the day. It was really helpful, and he looked forward to it every night. As Dipper looked around, he suddenly realized that he couldn’t find Bill. He wasn’t in the usual room, and Dipper started to instinctively panic. Did he leave? Did he just abandon Dipper?

Dipper moved to the door and reached out to grab the knob. For some reason, Dipper’s muscles tensed up, his mind rushing through panicked scenarios over and over before he finally clenched his teeth and opened the door.

The hallway was fortunately similar to the room. It seems like there was much more than a single space that they had created together. Feeling a bit more confident, Dipper walked down the hall into a large hall, unsurprisingly similar to the old Northwest Mansion. Dipper had never really known luxury other than that, but he had to remark that it didn’t look bad, especially with the large painting of himself in a tux on the wall.

Dipper kept walking, moving into a side path. Remembering what he was trying to do, he cupped his hands around his mouth and called out, “Bill! Where are you? This place is cool! Did you see the painting? I think I look pretty good, don’t you?”

He kept walking, shaking his head with a sigh. The only thought that would stay in his head is that Bill had just left, and he wasn’t going to come back. After all, why would he wanna stay in Dipper’s mind? Despite this fancy exterior, it was a real mess, and Dipper was sure that he was getting tired of taking care of it.

Dipper caught something at the edge of his hearing. A voice, hushed and unintelligible, but definitely a voice. Was it him? “Bill… that better be you, you Isosceles piece of shit.” He muttered under his breath as he picked up his pace, moving to a jog as he continued down the hallway. He finally came up on the source of the voice, just beyond another door.

Dipper paused, this time to figure out what was being said. He could hear more than voice, quietly arguing with each other.

“I can’t… I can’t do that. I can’t just leave it like this, he deserves to know!”

“If he knows, he’ll destroy you without a second thought. How long will it take for you to reform after that? Years? Decades? You got lucky the first time, don’t make this harder.”

“But I can’t just keep this from him. He cares, he actually cares about me. I already made too many mistakes… I’ve already put myself ahead of others and had them suffer. I can take being destroyed again, he can’t.”

Dipper stepped back, trying to figure out what was going on. It was definitely Bill’s voice, but it was like he was talking over himself. Dipper knew that he could sit there all night and listen, but there was a good chance he’d never get answers that way.

“I’ll just have to ask, I guess…” Dipper muttered under his breath and grabbed the handle, slowly turning it. “Hey, Bill, is that you?”

As Dipper opened the door, he saw a dozen other beings that looked like Bill, but all had different features, sometimes wildly different. His jaw was stuck open, just taking in the sight. All of them turned at once to Dipper, starring together into his soul. A severe shiver shot down Dipper’s spine, making him physically jerk for a second. During this time, all of the other beings simply vanished and Bill floated towards Dipper, scratching the back of his triangle.

Dipper could barely form a sentence. “What… what just… happened?”

Bill wasn’t doing too much better. “Well… you see… I was… kinda… talking to myself? Myselves?” An awkward chuckled followed, and Bill looked away from Dipper’s stare.

“You… were literally… talking to yourself? There were like twelve of you! And they were so… different from each other!” Dipper’s voice was filled with confusion, but a small bit of wonder was starting to grow as well.

“Yeah, I mean, different aspects of myself and stuff. It’s… confusing, I’ll explain it later. Just… don’t worry about it. Kay, Pine Tree?” Bill put a hand on Dipper’s shoulder and started to move out of the room with him.

Dipper stopped him, shrugging Bill’s hand off. “Wait, what were you… you guys? Talking about before? Who deserves to know what?” He walked deeper into the room and sat down on the chair Bill was in before.

Bill’s voice grew more erratic, trying to figure out how to handle this unexpected situation. “I… Well…” He turned back to Dipper, trying to create a variety of reasons. Nothing seemed to fit, however, and finally Bill just let out a sigh and let himself land on the floor.

After a tense pause, Bill closed his eye and said, “Look, there’s… something big I haven’t told you. When you hear it, you may hate me, you may even want to kill me, but… I’ve accepted it at this point. There’s not much I can do about that, anyways.”

 

“Wait, Bill, what are you talking about? Why would I want to do something like that?” A mixture of fear and support riddled Dipper’s voice.

“...I… I didn’t come to you because I wanted redemption. I didn’t come here because I wanted a place to stay. I… I was using you to gain power. I was setting up a ritual that would restore me to what I was before.”

Dipper wasn’t as surprised as he felt he should have been. With a small smile, Dipper simply shook his head. “Bill… I would have helped you if you asked. I wanna do something right-”

“No, you don’t understand. I… I wasn’t just gonna take power from you. This… this ritual, the final step… it consumes the host. I would… I would have killed you, Dipper. I would have left you a mindless husk just so I could be who I was before.”

Dipper’s eyes and mouth widened. “You… You what?” Shock tore through his body, but he didn’t have the energy to physically react this time.

Bill turned away, not daring to look into Dipper’s eyes. “I was okay with it, for a long time. I simply thought that I could do more with that, and sacrifices needed to be made. I was important enough that your life would… would be worth it.”

Dipper slowly stood up, his fists curling up. “You…” was all he could get out, his eyes filled with deep fury.

“This… this last week, I decided… to not go through with it. I decided that I was wrong. That my life isn’t worth yours. I couldn’t destroy you, you don’t deserve that. I don’t… I don’t care what happens to me anymore.”

Dipper stepped towards Bill, his eyes starting to water. “Why… Why did you change your mind?” The fury didn’t leave, but instead started to grow, more and more and more. A soft pitter was heard against the floor because of Dipper’s sadness, and he simply stood over Bill, his hands still clenched.

“...Why?” Bill paused, turning around to see the state that Dipper was in. “Because you care about me, Dipper. I can’t hurt another person who cares about me like you do. I just can’t.” Bill refused to look away from Dipper, his face stoic and soft.

“Besides,” Bill continued. “I… I care about you too. Way more than anything else I’ve cared about.”

Dipper’s footing shifted, his entire being taken aback. His tears paused in their tracks, his hands finally releasing. The only thing that Dipper could focus on in this moment was Bill’s comment. “You… You care… about me?”

Bill nodded slowly. “Yeah, Pine Tree. It’s honestly a mystery, but… sharing these times together has… actually made me happy. For the first time in an incredibly long time. I don’t think I could bring myself to hurt you even if I wanted to.” Bill finally let himself cut away from Dipper’s gaze.

Neither of them could bring themselves to speak for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, Dipper started to speak. “...Why did you have to change your mind?”

“Huh?”

“Why didn’t you just go through with it and kill me? At least then, I wouldn’t have to keep failing to kill myself…”

“You want to die that much?”

“Of course I do!” Dipper screamed out, his tears resuming as the fury returned to his body. “Everyone I’ve ever known has abandoned me or just stuck around to hurt me, and the one person I can fucking confide in has been planning on sacrificing me for his own power! Why the fuck should I stay in this world? Everyone in it just wants me to suffer!”

“I… Dipper…”

“What? Wanna say that you just wanna make me happy? Well, if you did, you’d have killed me weeks ago! Then I’d be fucking happy!”

“No you wouldn’t!” Bill raised up, his voice matching Dipper’s fury. “I can safely say that I’m the only one here who’s died, and you wouldn’t be happy! You’d only be stuck, so much more alone than you are now. You’d never even have a chance to be happy if you died!”

Dipper clenched his jaw, refusing to respond.

“You wanna be happy? Spend your life with people that care about you! If no one you know does right now, get the hell out there and find more people!”

“I can’t!” Dipper’s voice was being overtaken with sadness. “I just… I can’t… if I go out and I don’t succeed, I don’t know how I’ll survive. I’m on the teetering edge, ready to just fall off and die, but for some reason I can’t! I just get pulled right back to the shit of my life, and I can’t fucking handle it anymore!”

“Dipper… I won’t kill you. I just won’t do it, and I won’t let you kill yourself. I’m going to be right here, and I’m gonna make sure that you survive. No matter what, I’m gonna make sure you survive. This world needs you… I… I need you, Dipper…”

Dipper fell to his knees, his body dragged down by the weight of his emotions. “...if you… really need me… then I won’t stop you… I don’t wanna have my death hurt others, after all…”

Bill pulled Dipper up onto the couch so he could rest. “That’s okay for now. Just relax, alright? It’ll all be fine, I’ll make sure of it.”

With a soft nod, Dipper curled up and let the dream slowly collapse.


End file.
